First and foremost I am a Christian. Which in and of itself should tell you a list of things I love. This is not where I am going tonight. I just mean the things in life, like pizza and rock climbing.
So here we go again and hey, who doesn't like pizza. Now rock-climbing.. some do and some don't. Golf is something I loved but have given up. You see going from a low-to-no handicap (means I was good) to be your average weekend hack (not so good) was not fun for me. So, I sent my clubs a packin. Though I think about it on occasion, so far it really hasn't bothered me. You see I think part of me hung on because each time I played well there was a glimmer of hope for what once was and could have been. I don't claim any favorite teams but just hope I get to see a few good games over a given season. At least for football and hockey as that's all I watch. Snowboarding is long gone though the memories stand strong as a reminder of what could have been and what is. I am thankful I can still walk! My fly-rods are gone along with my mtn bike and motorcycle. I am down to 3 guns, one each rifle, pistol and shotgun. I made dream climbing trip last year (Thailand DWS) and since I broke another finger this year, am seriously considering selling off my gear.
Hunting.... hunting has been a dilemma for me recently. You see I recently found out I much prefer hunting with, we'll say..., a best or good friend. Which rapidly brings me to what I think matters most here. All of this stuff... is really just that. None of it means a 'hill of beans' without someone to share it with. At least for me. Family and friends are where it's really at. God has placed those people in my life because I need them. I need them to sharpen me as a follower of Christ and to encourage me through the god and bad of life. I am not capable of pulling myself out of the holes I dig. I also am sure I fully need an ego check on occasion as well. Probably more often than I care to admit.
When I was in high school an aunt and uncle of mine moved to town along with there 4 kids, my cousins. I would show up on Sunday afternoon for a couple hours to say hello and make an appearance. I loved them so much but did not make them a priority. Several years later, I found myself laying alone in a king sized bed in Anchorage Alaska. My wife of 5 years had left me. I hiked when I wasn't working and drank when I wasn't hiking. All the while thinking over my life and all the things I had done and done wrong. I realized how much I had missed. What I had missed was the pursuit and growth of that which matters most in this life. relationships Relationships with my family that I now never get to see.
So what is the point of all this anyway....I'm working on that myself.
I think it comes down to this. I hate it broken relationships, whether friendships, families, marriages, whatever. I know sometimes there is nothing that can be done, but more often then not, probably 99.99999% of the time, there is. What is it? I really don't know but here are a few thoughts. Maybe it is as simple as setting down my pride or maybe even more likely is letting go of what I want. My own selfishness. I mean that is what drove me to not spend the time with my family when I had the chance in HS right.
a thought cometh.... So if I let go of what I want for the sake of another. Set aside my selfishness for the sake of another. WE gain relationship. Which from the beginning is what I really wanted anyway. That seems so simple yet it has has taken me so long to learn and I am not done, this I know.
I often wonder now. Am I a good friend? Am I selfish or am i able to put aside myself for others? If I am not able to I will never be a good friend and if not that then even less so a good husband and father.
I feel like such a selfish person. To anyone reading, friend or family, I ask your forgiveness for all the years I have spent for myself. I have done what I want when I want most of my life and I only hope that with the help of my Lord and savior I can change.
Phil 1:6-11
2Cor 6:16b-7:1
Oh for the day when we will fully know love! Lord come quickly
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